First Draft Progress

2 strengths with why and 2 areas for improvement with how.

Strength 1:
Good way of introducing my problem. Since I've experienced the emotions I expressed in my paper, I think I can convey how I was feeling before leaving for Tenerife very well. It also set the tone in the beginning and made it so I could present how I change throughout.
Strength 2:
The structure of my paper makes it so my story can be followed pretty well. I think I placed my sequence of events in such a way that it constructs my journey in an understandable way. I also tried to incorporate some dialouge to give the reader an actual understanding of how the experience played out.
Improvement 1:
I should incorporate more characters. I am the narrator and the only other characters I mention are my parents, sister, Ed, and Veerle. I think it would enhance the story more if there were other people to illustrate my development and experience.
Improvement 2:
I need to better explain what I learned and what my journey meant to me. I only explain it vaguely, but really dont know how. I've explained what I learned many times so its become a very constructed response. More detail is neccesary.